There is a saying my grandma used to tell me all the time. “Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres”. It roughly translates to: Tell me who you hang out with and I will tell you who you are. It’s kind of like a modification of “you are what you eat”.
What she meant to say is that if you surround yourself with negative influences, you will also become a negative influence and will end up doing negative things.
We can always say that if you have the right amount of self-control you won’t fall in bad habits even if your friends do. But that’s not what I want to talk about today.
Even when they are different, this group of kitties work together, or at least look at the camera together! Photo by Hery Zo Rakotondramanana
One of our goals here at Enso Journey is to help people become a better version of themselves. We want people to work towards a better life while doing what makes them happy. So I want to give you a little trick that can make the process a whole lot easier.
Here is the secret:
Surround yourself with people who have the same goals in life as yours.
I say this because I’ve gone through it. For the longest time, I wanted to keep my old friends. At one point our paths were the same, but eventually things changed and our paths took different directions. I wanted to make something with my life, and my old friends wanted to have fun and ignore the future that was ahead. They wanted to stay children, I wanted to grow up.
I later realized that those friends were keeping me behind. As much as I claimed they were not, the truth was that I was not the best person I could be.
So let me ask you,
Are you surrounded by good influences? Do your friends help you become a better you?
When we associate with people that are working towards the same goal, we are more likely to achieve those goals. Why? Because nobody wants to get left behind, and keeping a friendly competition is a good way to keep you motivated.
Here is another trick:
Stay close to people who are what you hope to be.
If you want to be a good person, surround yourself with good people. It sounds like common sense, but every day I surprise myself when I hear people say they wish for something yet they live their lives in a contradiction.
Long ago, I heard someone tell me a story about some fictional character who would ask God to help him win the lottery. Every day he would pray, but he never went and actually purchased a lottery ticket.
How can you wish for something and not take any action? The only way to make your wishes come true is to actually work towards them. And how can you find the right path to take? By following the path that others have left for you.
Although it is hard to find people who are motivated and want to do something with their life, it is now easier than before. The internet has opened possibilities that were unimaginable at some point. Take advantage of it.
So how can you find people like you? How can you surround yourself with people that will inspire you to work towards your dreams?
There are many ways, but let me give you just a few.
- Take a class. – Although it is possible that you will find someone who wants to do the same things you do at a bar or club, it is more likely that you will if you take a class. I have recently met some great artists who may become good friends, and no, I did not meet them at the bar, I met them in my art class. If you are trying to get better at something, look for places that offer classes in that area, and get to know the people that are there. You can even look at online classes or webinars, Alex is a guru in that area, don’t hesitate to ask him!
- Find out where these people gather. – Writers hang out at cafés, athletes at the gym, and intellectuals at the library. Even if you don’t make a new friend, just by surrounding yourself with people that think alike you are more likely to find some inspiration. People gravitate towards certain areas for certain reasons. Once you know where you belong things will make more sense and you will begin to move towards you big goals.
- Join a club. – If you are antisocial and have trouble approaching new people, find an organization that fits with your values and join it. When you join a club you are officially saying “I belong here, I fit here”, having a sense of belonging is important and will help you have a clearly define your identity. If you want to work towards being a better person for your community, join a club that volunteers to help others. You will meet people like you with goals like yours.
- Search the web. – For those of us with little time for extra things, there is always the internet. There are communities for everything you can imagine. A quick search will lead you in the right direction, and the best thing is that you will meet people from all over the globe. Search for people who are out there walking the path you want to walk, learn from them, and make a connection.
Whatever you do, don’t feel like you are alone, because you are not. There are 7 billion people in this world, and every day more and more people have access to you. They say that it is better to be alone than in bad company, but today you don’t have to be alone anymore.
It would be great if all of our friends moved in the same direction as our own. It would be great if each one of our family members understood and supported your decisions. But the reality is that everyone is different. When you choose to create a network of people who will help you grow instead of hold you back, you will be able to achieve what you want without much conflict.
Keep your mind and your heart open, but don’t allow anyone to keep you behind. If you can’t inspire your friends to work towards a greater future, remember that there are always people who are already in that path. You just have to go out and look for them.
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Oooooh! just loved this Alejandro! I so resonate with the underlying message of building an intentional community and that’s what i’ve really been doing in the last few years and with awesome, awesome results:
- I never feel alone
-I always have support or someone to cal
-because i feel seen and accepted, i’m more resilient dealing when my insecurities show up
- I feel greater abundance and gratitude
I mean, the list could go on forever. Thanks for a great post!
Maira recently posted..3 Epiphanies and Why Coming Home to Your Body Opens the Door to the Divine
Maira,
It has been great getting to know all these wonderful people, including you!
Thank you so much for your comment. I’m happy to know that you can clearly see the benefits that come from having the right group of people around you.
This is a very timely post for me. I am in the midst of a sort of social readjustment period where the people who don’t get who I’m becoming no longer fit and I’m developing new relationships based on the ways I want to grow. I have to say that it is not without some sadness, mostly because the people who stay in the old paradigm can sometimes feel hurt by the change in the relationship. But you can’t not grow, right? And deep down, I know that if they understood, that is what they would want for me as well.
This post has inspired me to develop these new relationships with more intention, knowing that the people I interact with form a sort of path to where I’ll end up going. It’s important for that path to be taken consciously and not just by default and who happens to be around at the moment!
Sue Mitchell recently posted..Why You Should Take a Chance on Your Creative Dream
Sue,
I am glad to have inspired you to take that one difficult step. It is challenging to let go and move on, but sometimes we have to. For years, I wanted to believe that my old friends would eventually want to follow a path of growth, I didn’t expect for them to have the same goals as mine, but at least I wanted them to want a better future. When I realized that this was not happening, I had to make new connections and move on. It’s funny, but Alex seems to be the only friend of mine that has walked along the same path as I have. I wish you all the best dear!
Carmin Camacho recently posted..Pretty heart box with floral paper decor in red, yellow and white
PS – I want those kitties to be my friends!!
Sue Mitchell recently posted..Why You Should Take a Chance on Your Creative Dream
Aren’t they adorable?!
Carmin Camacho recently posted..Pretty heart box with floral paper decor in red, yellow and white
Right on, Kym! I preach this same philosophy all the time.
As much as it hurts in the present to fire a negative friend, it is worth the time and sanity you will save in the long run.
I would like to echo your recommendation to meet like-minded people online! I have met so many wonderful, encouraging people in the blogosphere that have become very good friends. It’s a supportive community unlike any other I have experienced!
Amy recently posted..What Will Be Your Legacy?
Amy,
Yay! we are on the same boat!. I sometimes wish I would have listened to my grandma much sooner than I did!, I do agree that things work out for the best in the long run when you make those though decisions. I look at the decisions I have made and compare them with my siblings, and the results are very different. Our friends will always influence us, even if we have self control, we might not fall in the same bad steps, but we probably wont grow very much.
I am happy to know that we share thoughts on this
Makes me feel less crazy!
I think it’s also important to surround yourself with people that treat you well. In essence, if positive self-talk is one of your goals, you can’t surround yourself with people that don’t talk to you well.
Colleen,
You are so right! your comment reminds me of a very close relative of mine (she is like my aunt/sister) who talks to her children in such a positive way that they have grown to have confidence in themselves and achieve many wonderful things, although they are still little, I know that how she treats them will forever impact their future.
The same is true when it comes to friends. Someone who talks to you negatively or embarrasses you shouldn’t be called a friend.
Thank you for your comment! I hope you have an awesome weekend
Carmin Camacho recently posted..Pretty heart box with floral paper decor in red, yellow and white
This is so absolutely true! It can be painful and frightening to let people go in your life, especially when you’ve known them for many many years. But you need to stay true to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who motivate, inspire and cheer you on is so critical! Your suggestions to find others who are like-minded are great as is the reminder that THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET! WE ARE NOT ALONE!
Amy Grams recently posted..In Search of the Perfect Diet
Hi Amy!,
. I had a friend who deviated from my goals and later on “came back” to where I was, it was wonderful being able to connect again, but sometimes, we just have to move on.
I agree with you, it is hard to move on, but those decisions have a huge impact. The good thing is that, as you say, we are not alone
Thank you for your comment! It is always a pleasure
I’m smiling as we have published very similar posts on the same day!! I found the background noise of those I wasn’t on the same wavelength with to be enormously distracting and impossible to be me and to achieve what I wanted. Interestingly, after some time and separation which gave me the space to hone my skills at ‘being me’, I can now spend time with them again, and enjoy it, secure in myself and my beliefs.
Jackie,
That is a pleasant coincidence! I had to write about this when I realized that, although painfully, I had to stay away from someone I care about. It is hard, but I had to make that choice and just hope that one day that person will change and want to live a positive life.
Now, I only make friends with people whom I can share my motivation with!
It is nice having you over here at Enso, thanks for taking the time to comment.
I think it was Jim Rohn who said you are a mix of the 5 people you spend the most time with and I’ve certainly found this to be true! Great post Kym!
Sandi Amorim recently posted..Ode to Joy (or how to take better care of yourself)
Sandi,
Thank you for your comment! That is a wonderful way to put it! and thinking of the 5 people closest to me, I can say I definitely agree.
Now imagine, if we only get 5 people (which is not a lot) that help define who we are, then we better make sure those 5 people rock!
Have a wonderful day Sandi!
Carmin Camacho recently posted..Pretty heart box with floral paper decor in red, yellow and white