One of the best things you can learn is to forgive. I imagine that you are saying already that you know how to forgive, and I don’t doubt it. The question lies here, do you know how to forgive yourself?
Just as it says, it doesn't matter if the whole world forgives you, you still need to learn how to forgive yourself to move on, photo by Scott Sandars
This is one of the first crucial steps to start your journey, since you can’t really make the long trip with all the baggage that you are carrying now. In fact I think you will feel a lot better if you just let all those things and start walking without so much weight on your shoulders, and that is the real reason for this. To make you feel lighter for your journey.
Why do you need to forgive yourself?
I truly believe in the idea of being agile and to adapt in order to improve, and I mean an agile mind and soul. To understand why, you need to look to the past for a bit. So lower that heavy bag of memories that you have been carrying all over and let’s look at them. Don’t worry you don’t have to tell me every little bit of your past, this is an exercise that you have to do by yourself, but I will do my best to guide you.
When you look at your past I hope you are looking at a lot of good memories, some good triumphs and a lot of great experiences, when I did this exercise I was hoping to see that. To tell you the truth the opposite happened, not because I had a horrible life, but because people remembers the bad things first. That’s the real reason for this exercise, to give you the chance to remember the success you had to create momentum for your journey.
Nobody wants to be dragged down by their past. It sucks to be close to accomplish something and hear that little voice telling you of that past failure. Let’s kick that voice out of your head.
You are not perfect, accept it!
You are a wonderful person and I have no doubt about it, but you are not perfect, nobody is. It’s one simple truth that you have to accept sooner or later. So let’s get it out of the way right now.
Since you are not perfect it’s also a great time to stop judging yourself just because you made some mistakes in the past. So let’s get out another simple truth, we all screw up from time to time, sometimes the mistake is bigger, sometimes smaller, but we all do.
judging yourself just because you made a tiny or huge mistake is horrible. It’s that small voice in your head that calls you names and puts you down. There is nothing worse than kicking yourself down. Just realize that this is just another form of comparison and it should be avoided, in this particular case you would be comparing your real self with your ideal self.
First step: Write the bad
I always ask you to write stuff, and this time is no exception. Take a sheet of paper or your note taking app of choice and start writing all the bad memories that you can recall. Please do this when you have plenty of time because it can be a very difficult and hard step. if you are alone at home it can work wonders but if not, try to find a quite place. A sanctuary of sorts to do this.
Don’t write details, just the mistake. For example I would write: “Not having a great design portfolio” or “I miss spending more time with my loved ones”. And yes, those are real examples.
I sure hope you have a small list, but make it as long as you have to. And take as much time as you need. If it takes you more than a session it’s ok as long as you do the next part.
Second Step: Find the reason
Time for a bit of analysis, and this may be the hardest part of the exercise, so take your time. Write the reason why you made the mistake. Even if it was as simple as “I was clumsy” or something as complex as “I took the wrong turn in that street and then I was pissed of…”
The level of complexity of your answer is totally up to you but I invite you to go as deep as you can, it will make the whole exercise more useful and in turn a better experience.
Third step: Forgive yourself for each item
For each item in your list I want you to say the following thing, truly say it, don’t just think it.
I forgive myself for “___________________”
As you may have guessed you can fill in the blank with each item on your list. This is one crucial step since your brain needs a bit of rewiring and this is exactly the step you need to move and reconnect some ideas. Give it a try even if you feel a bit silly, I assure you it will work, the first few items on your list may just fly by, but the last ones you will feel something changing.
Final Step: Let go!
now that you are done with the list it’s time for the final step, you need to sever the connection with it. If it’s a piece of paper you can cut it all out or just fold it and trash it. If it’s a file, deleting it would do. It’s up to you to decide how far you want to go to sever this connection, just please don’t burn your house down while doing it.
This last step tells you subconscious that the deal is done and now it’s time to let all those things fade away, to make room for some new experiences and the new you. It is a powerful thing to do because this time you will feel a lot lighter for your journey.
But you are not done yet
This is the first time you do this and you must be on the lookout to avoid filling yourself again with a lot of things that will drag you down. it’s time you make it a habit, so for the next few days you need to keep yourself in check, if that little voice is back beating your head it is time to forgive yourself about something. Don’t worry with practice you will do this on the fly.
To stay on your toes, I suggest you to do this every night, when you are about to sleep, go over your day and just let go of all those things. You will start to sleep better. I sure hope this exercise will help you out, and now that you know how to forgive yourself you are one step closer to that awesome you.
Next time I will talk about the next step, developing your own code of values. And if you liked this post, share it with the buttons below!
